What’s the craziest thing you’ve done as a parent because you had too many things going on at the same time?
I ran over my laptop yesterday.
It was a chain of events that could ONLY happen to a mom.
It was also one of the more absurd moments in my life:)
My husband, male friends and family are assuring me could not ever have happened to them.
And unlike the too serious and often miserable me in my twenties or early thirties, I could hardly stop laughing about it all day! I was able to stay in a place of trusting that it would all work out somehow, despite the fact that my computer is one of my most prized possessions, hence the reason it was with me:)
Tell me moms, could this have happened to you? Read on, then share your most crazy story below!The Rest of the Story
It was a Saturday morning. I drove and my daughter went with her team on the bus into a wrestling tournament in the city.
I was just walking up to the arena when I realized I’d forgot something Lauren needed in my van.
When I got back to the parkade, I had too many bags to comfortably hold and open the door. After all I needed aspirin in case anyone got a headache, healthy snacks as the food in those places is atrocious, a water bottle, coffee cup so I didn’t add to the garbage that is cluttering up our world, a sweater, shoes, my laptop to get a few work things done on the long breaks, etc.
All this, and really I travel light now that my children are teens.
I decided to lean my laptop gently up against the front tire while I got what I needed out of the van. There was so little space between the vehicles, and I knew I wasn’t driving anywhere.
I sat down in the driver’s seat and started to lean over to get what Lauren needed.
Just then I got a text from her to say that she wasn’t wrestling for 3 or 4 hours.
What a delight! Instead of trying to do my Facebook post and other quick work things inside the sports arena, I realized I could drive to a coffee shop nearby that I liked. She’s 14 and was with her team, so she didn’t need me there.
I happily drove away, delighted at my luck!
Perfectionists script for self-defeat
Thank goodness I am an almost fully recovered perfectionist.
Once upon a time I would have beat up on myself mercilessly!
About twenty five years ago I read an article called The Perfectionists script for self-defeat. It’s now considered a classic for how it clearly articulated how damaging perfectionism is.
Having done a ton of healing and having learned to change my thought patterns that made mistakes so painful, I was able to make a much different choice than I once would have.
Instead seeing what I’d done as a sign of my stupidity (don’t get me wrong, I didn’t see it as a sign of my brilliance:) )…
I saw the absurdity of what I’d done, and I was able to chose to laugh.
I literally did not see the humor in my human foibles in my early adult years! But now, knowing that what’s done is done, I didn’t fall into the painful trap of self-recrimination.
Thank goodness I must have just knocked it over or barely drive on it, as today I was able to get it up and running using a separate monitor.
I love that I modelled for my daughter that mistakes happen, and that we don’t have to put our self-esteem on the line. Yes, it was a poor choice, and one I won’t make again. Yes, my husband is right that I’m hard on electronics! However, I can and will continue to learn, and I am, just like all of us, human. So that means I’ll continue to make mistakes, just hopefully not as spectacular as that one!!
In my upcoming webinar, I already had the plans to talk about the huge, ironic mistake that so many of us moms make – having too high standards for ourselves and others.
Not only does that make life so much less fun, but study after study has shown that perfectionists actually have poorer results in almost every way.
If you’d like to walk on the lighter, gentler and way more productive side, and you know that you are hard on yourself and don’t want your children to fall into this incredibly painful trap, join me either live or by replay for the 3 surprising causes for your child’s mishebavior, aggression and/or unhappiness.
And please, share your crazy parenting multi-tasking moments below! It’ll help my husband see that I’m not the exception, just a mom who is human and gets too much going on sometimes.
On behalf of our incredible volunteers, aka Team GPS, our GPS staff, and myself, I want to wish you a very wonderful Thanksgiving with your precious family. Family rituals are so important. As you go through your day and follow some old traditions, and start some new ones…
I hope you give thanks not just for your family, but for yourself!
Gratitude is a powerful choice. Celebrating and being grateful for all of our wins as a parent, not only makes the journey more fun,
but makes those changes you want to make so much easier to achieve!
I can imagine how big your To Do list is! Yet you’ve found the time to make today special for your family and friends in many little and big ways.
So that’s why I chose this picture for you:
You are making the world a better place:
and in so many other ways.
You are top on my list, alongside my biological family, of what I am giving thanks for today.
I am celebrating a huge shift in my life, and in our GPS community!
Part of what I’m going to share today is personal.
I’ve decided to share it because I believe it has potential to have a big impact on you and your family too!
First, we’re still on track (in fact more so than ever!) for our upcoming membership launch.
I’ll be announcing the membership name soon (thanks for your votes!).
Next, I’ll be getting your help on choosing our logo.
Then we’ll be announcing our first special webinar training class!
More great interviews coming…
Second, I know I haven’t been bringing you as many parenting educators as I normally do. Just know that this pause in great parenting information is only temporary, and will be ending soon!
So what’s changed?
I am no longer a public school board trustee.
The other morning, tears spring to my eyes as I read the hundreds and hundreds of comments that you shared via the survey.
My tears came both because you poured your hearts out (thank you, I’m deeply honored),
AND because of my deep joy that FINALLY I can focus 100% on you and the rest of our wonderful GPS community!
I loved being a trustee because it:
- was complementary to my #1 passion, which is parenting education,
- was a great way to be deeply involved in my own children’s education.
So despite the fact that it sometimes took up to 50% of my time, at the 11th hour, I decided to run again.
I lost by 25 votes!
Immediately after hearing the news, even while feeling sad, I was struck by the enormity of the gift that I’d been given.
I didn’t realize how much it was costing me to have my time divided until I was released from that burden.
So what does this mean for you?
In the survey, you said your top concerns included things like:
We’ll be able to address so many other concerns you mentioned too such as:
And so much more.
Thank you so much for your support since the show started almost 4 years ago!
I look forward to providing YOU with so much more support in the future,
Jacqueline R Green
P.S. Next we’ll be voting on the logo, and then popping the cork!!!
Let that froggy ride…! (see the photo at the top if you have no idea what I’m talking about)
Warning: GPS community members, and conscious parents the world-over, the video below is NOT typical of what we post or supportive of our beliefs. Many people have been very upset by watching this video, despite it being only 49 seconds long.
If you just watched the video above for the first time, you likely either felt:
A strong negative reaction like: shock, sadness or anger
If you did laugh, I am not writing this to encourage you to feel horrible about yourself.
I do want to give you more information that takes all of the humor out of watching the video.
At the end of Part Two of this blog post, I’ll explain another twist to the video that may help change your thinking yet again!
I have a few theories. I’d love for you to share your ideas below in the comment section.
People may have laughed because of their own frustration as parents. And if you don’t even think of the girl, who is not even in the picture, or you assume it was staged, which it could be, your laughter makes sense. Seeing an adult do most things that a kid does is funny. However, when you link his behavior to a child’s suffering, most compassionate adults find that it’s not really that funny any more.
Do you think that it’s too bold or exaggerated to say that a compassionate person won’t find this funny? Read on and tell me what you think at the end.
If you are over-the-top frustrated with your kids and your inability to control them, I have been there. I eventually got the help I needed, so that I didn’t resort to power-over tactics such as bullying and ridicule. My passion for saving you the pain and frustration that this family is experiencing, is why I founded the Great Parenting Show. If you don’t get help, you run the risk of being mean to your children too, and making parenting harder for yourself in the long run.
Should we let our child control us with his or her emotional outbursts?
The short answer is no! A great parent is a great leader. A great leader doesn’t just squelch revolt with all of his or her power. Ridicule is a powerful tool at any age, but not one that a great leader would ever use.
A great leader figures out why people are feeling the way they are, what can be done to fix any problems, and to inspire them to join the team.
It can feel like you are at the complete mercy of your child’s violent mood swings if you don’t know how to help a child deal with a tantrum. It is very hard to tolerate tantrums if you can’t help your child to calm down. It’s also extremely difficult to control your temper if you are saying things to yourself like, “My child shouldn’t be having a tantrum.”
The truth is, it’s hard because we are supposed to help them through the moment, and teach them how to emotionally regulate. In examples like this one, what is being taught is emotional shut down, which is not at all the same thing.
Paradigm shift: We are not meant to passively stand by at any time when our child is distressed! It is so hard to deal with tantrums over and over again that don’t abate because we are supposed to help them through the moment, and teach them how to emotionally regulate. If we don’t know what to do, it is massively frustrating! In examples like this one, what is being taught is emotional shut down, which is not at all the same thing.
I want to add that parents often refuse to comfort their children with the best of intentions. Ironically enough, not only is this approach bad for kids, but it’s bad for parents as well.
When we steel ourselves to get through a long-drawn out tantrum, and ignore our instincts to try to comfort our child, it’s bad for our brains! Our stress levels climb dramatically when our kids are in distress. If you, like me, have ever tried to ignore your crying child, you know what I mean! Our survival as a species has depended on parents being responsive, and so we are hard-wired to comfort, not to ignore or ridicule, our out-of-control child.
It’s so sad that many parents are trying to force themselves to ignore their children’s cries or even screams for help, disguised behind out-of-control behavior. Not only is it causing a flood of bad chemicals in the parents’ brains, but:
I’ll explain more of what I mean in Part Two! There’s brain science that explains what is happening physically, that will take the humor out of the situation, if you managed to laugh at first. However, in order to keep this post to a reasonable size, I’m stopping here for today.
In the meantime, what do you think about the video? Do you think that I am being too strong in my comments?
Share your thoughts below.
If you’d like to spread the positive dialogue about how this could have been handled, share this blog post.
Are we guilty of being part of the circle that allows bullying to continue? It seems to me that no matter how well-intended the dad is, he is using his power to try to force his child into behaving. We are watching, millions of us. If we move on without attempting to counter the kudos they are getting, do we unintentionally become part of the problem? Or, because we are so far away, is there nothing that we can do?
If you are a dreamer, come in.
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer . . .
If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire,
For we have some flax golden tales to spin.
~ Shel Silverstein
Part of the magic of being a parent is seeing our kids dream, and going on the journey with them, isn’t it?
It’s often much easier to believe that they can have their dreams than that you can too, isn’t it
Yet how does it affect your children, let alone yourself, when you let go of your dreams?
Of course, you only do so because the world can beat you down, and make you think that your dreams are impossible.
In the replay of our interview, you’ll hear Wendy Hart explain why it isn’t your fault that you haven’t been successful. Most of us have the wrong recipe (full explanation on the call), and so of course our cake is a flop.
Who in their right mind would keep putting their all into making a flopped cake?You did the sensible thing, putting away those dreams, when you were stuck with the wrong recipe.
Wendy literally has the recipe, and it’s her mission and passion to share it with you.
Read on for a great story that she couldn’t fit into the interview! In fact, …
Wendy gave 150% (we’re so lucky!)
Wendy charges $500/ hour for her time, and she doesn’t take on many new clients.
I’ve hired her a few times, and been grateful to have access to her brilliant mind because she provides so much value.
Today, not only did she join us for an hour, but she stayed on for close to another 30 minutes!
Part of the reason she stayed on so long is she loves us so much in the GPS community of parents.
She believes in you.
She knows that you are changing the world.
Every change you make as a parent literally changes our planet!That’s exciting when you think of the cumulative effect of what we’re doing here in this community
And Wendy wants you to have the best tools!
The other reason she stayed on is she wanted everyone who was new to have a solid base in her work (and repetition is one of the keys to learning, so we all benefited from the review).
Then she wanted to dive into some of her new material.
There was a lot to cover, and I’m grateful that she stayed on and gave us so much great material.
The inconsistent echo at the beginning of the call, that you can hear on the replay, ends just a few minutes in!
Story for Doubters…
Wendy wanted to share one more story in order to give you a very specific example of when your alarm is triggered.
You may have doubts about whether the “alarm tripping thing” she talks about on the call, really applies to you.
Have you ever been to a party, or in some social situation, when you were feeling really confident, strutting your stuff, and on top of your game?
Then out of nowhere, someone came up and surprised you with a rude comment, or something that made you feel attacked or put down?
If you’re like most people you just stood there stammering, unable to think of a good thing to say back to them.
If so, that’s because your alarm was tripped. The blood had left your thinking brain, and you couldn’t think clearly.
Your caveman brain had taken over.
Minutes or hours later, when you were out of that threatening environment, did you find yourself thinking up come back after come back? Were you frustrated with yourself that you couldn’t come up with those great lines in the heat of the moment?
Now you know why this happened (if you haven’t listened to the call yet, it’ll make sense as soon as you listen).You also know why it is not your fault that you couldn’t come up with a great reply.
Just so you know, your caveman brain is taking over like that, multiple times per week or even every day. It’s just that it’s been happening in a less pronounced way, and we don’t know that’s what’s happening.
How much more do you imagine you would get done in a day, if your rational brain weren’t being hijacked on a regular basis? Once you learn how to manage that little alarm, you’ll gain back much more control of your life.
Comment from a GPS community member:
I really want to commend you on the guests you are having on your show! Every one of them has really spoken to me. I am seeking better ways to be a mom, as well as seeking a new career that fits better into my family life, and honestly, you seem to be reading my mind! ~ Lea Ann from Ontario, Canada.
Here’s to the wisher, the liar, the magic-bean-buyer inside of you and each of your precious family members,
P.S. Share some of your hopes and dreams in the comment section below.
You’ll be amazed at how your vitality rekindles along with your dreams.
Life becomes magical again.
I tell my kids that magic truly exists. I’ve learned that from Wendy. It is magic when a lifelong dream comes true, don’t you think?
Invite any other wishers and dreams and magic bean buyers to join us! However, if you know that your friends and family aren’t ready to join us, wait!
I don’t want anyone trodding on your dreams. Especially not when you are returning to gather round our fire, after far too long.
Dreams are fragile. As another great poet, William Butler Yeats, so beautiful explains in his poem He wishes for the cloths of heaven:
Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.
First to let you know, the replay is coming down soon
If you haven’t listened in yet, and you are interested in working from
home, I recommend that you listen to our latest show.
Read my apology below first though, okay? I want to make sure
that my gaff doesn’t result in you being offended too!
Kiva Leatherman joined us to talk about How to Let Motherhood
Inspire and Empower your Business.
Do you love parenting, believe it is one of the most profound ways
that we can change our planet for the better, and want to help
other parents while working from home?
Kiva and her business partner Jolette Jai have a unique parent
coaching training that they talk about during the interview.
I would have loved to have taken their training when I first started
working with parents!
So why am I profoundly apologizing for comments I made during
Kiva and I both said things that were offenseive.
I appreciate the parents who shared on our blog why they were
I also completely get their reaction.
I deeply respect whatever situation you are in as a parent, and
I didn’t think enough about how divisive this subject is, and
therefore left too much open for negative interpretation.
Not only that, Kiva and I also put our foots in our mouths.
Have you ever said something that afterwards you can
barely believe you said?
As a farm girl, I would have said we had foot and mouth
First she commented that it didn’t work for her to stay at
home and crochet.
It was almost as bad as saying that women stay home and
eat bom-boms (candy) and watch soap operas.
I’m sure that she meant no disrespect, but it was an offensive
Every interview has many junctures where I have to decide
whether or not to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Sometimes, like last week, I let a lot go unsaid.
Because the interview was geared towards moms who work
from home or would like to, I didn’t make any effort to clarify
my thoughts about staying at home.
Worse, I actually agreed with Kiva.
I’m always trying to make sure that we cover the most relevant
information as possible during interviews.
Even before the comments came in about how we’d offended
people, I was clear that I was cringing about my comments.
I said that ultimately, staying at home and crocheting didn’t
work for me.
That statement was a dramatic over-simplification
and misrepresentation of my thoughts.
Beam me up Scotty! (Remember Captain Kirk would ask to
get beamed up when he was in a jam? After, when I thought
about what I said, I wanted to be able to get beamed up and
out of the mess I got myself into!)
Yes, ultimately I quit being a stay-at-home mom to work from
home. Yet for years, while I may not have the talent to crochet
much, staying at home, and working either not at all for pay, or
extremely part-time when the kids were home, worked very
well for me
It’s also completely irrelevant in many cases.
You work, whether inside or outside of your house.
You work, whether directly for money or not.
And in many cases, you work because you have to, in order
to support your family economically.
If you’ve listened to the show for any length of time, you know that
I believe that we each are our own child’s best expert.
I can’t tell you what’s best for your child. Nor can any of the experts
I have on the show. We can share great information about what
has worked for others.
I’m grateful that two GPS community members shared on our new
blog that they were offended by comments made in the interview.
Not only do I owe you an apology for the offense I may have
caused you, but I should have apologized sooner.
Please accept my deepest apologies.
Here’s to you, and whatever situation you find yourself in as a
parent, whether it is a choice, or just what you need to do to be
a great parent,
Jacqueline “a working mom just like you” Green
P. S. One of the many ways that parenting has matured me is
in realizing that whatever mistakes we make, we can work on
I wish that I hadn’t made such a huge gaff.
I also wish that I had apologized right after the call, instead of
hoping that you knew me well enough not to take my comments
the way that they sounded:(
I know that some people, such as one of the moms who
commented on the blog may not give me a second chance.
However, I know too that mistakes are learning experiences,
Ultimately, because you know me, you may well accept my
Thanks in advance for your understanding.
If you aren’t able to see past my flippant comments, I
understand. You may not know me well enough. Or the
hurt that you feel is too big, and I’m not able to talk to
you face-to-face to assure you that I did not mean what
I said the way it came out.
Fortunately, our family members are in close relationship
with us, and so an apology is normally well received.
Thanks for at least letting me apologize.
[Quick note: the interview stirred up a lot of controversy as the comments will attest. To read what I said that was offensive, and my apology, click here.]
To work or not to work.
First off, we all know that all parents work!
So the questions is misleading.
It can quickly lead to a divisive, destructive conversation.
Ironically too, your answer can change over the course of your parenting.
I think it’s a huge waste of time and energy to engage in the debate.
What we really need to do is to figure out what is best for us now, and for your family.
That’s the approach that business expert, Kiva Leatherman takes.
Her topic is: How Parenthood can Inspire and Empower your Business. (Listen in here).
She started with a powerful tip for how to tell what will work best for you and your family.
It’s a nurturing approach to all parents.
What have you found works for you? Why? Do you find balance hard? Share your comments below.
If you do feel that it is hard to balance, I recommend you join us and listen to the interview.
If you feel guilty, then definitely listen in! Kiva will help you ditch your guilt about working.
If you’d like to find out more about their powerful parent coach training, which allows for parents to work from home, with the support and business training you need to thrive, then listen in!
I would love to have taken their training a decade ago.
If you enjoyed the interview and this post, share this with your friends and family!
During our wonderful interview with Jolette Jai (replay available until Wed Aug 21), she shared so many tips for how to have a peaceful, calm family. I hope you get to listen in. We talked about how yelling damages our kids brains, and makes it so that can’t learn, amongst other reasons why this is a parenting tool we want to chuck!
If you are interested in her parenting course, you can check out the link below. Be warned though, the price is $150 less for Great Parenting Show (GPS) community members, so the class isn’t $247, but $97 (it’s a nice warning). As well, they will email you a coupon to get a free hour of consulting with one of their parent coaches, something that they never do! Neither of these offers are on their regular sales page, as this deal is only for us.
You have to enter the Promo Code GreatParenting to get the $150 off and the bonus hour of parent coaching.
So here are Jolette’s 3 Steps to Never Yell at Your Kids Again, and to Have More Peace, Calm and Connection in Your Home!
Notice in the moment that you’re triggered with your child that you are triggered and having a big emotion. Ask yourself the question, ‘What am I feeling?’ Attempt to name your feeling in the moment.
Step 1 allows you to begin to halt the runaway train of your highly charged emotions as a parent that often lead to disconnected methods of communication (i.e, yelling, punishment and consequences. )
In 40 Days to Peaceful Parenting, you will have a chance to let go of your highly charged emotional trigger points as you Let Go of The Way You Were Parented.
Have self-empathy for yourself. Take the judgement off of whatever feeling you’re having in the moment. And do one thing to calm yourself down before approaching your child again.
In 40 Days to Peaceful Parenting, you will have a chance to set effective boundaries with your child and others so that you can get your needs met more often. When your needs are met, then self-empathy flows more readily.
Have empathy for your child. Recognize that your child is having a big feeling in any moment because he/she has a core need that is not getting met. Try to identify what your child’s feeling and need is in that moment.
In 40 Days to Peaceful Parenting, you will learn the exact language of connection and empathy to use with your child.
Share your comments below! Is yelling an issue in your family? How have you dealt with this issue?
Ready for Yellibacy?
If you are horrified by the new research on how yelling affects your kids, why not take the yellibacy pledge? It’s a great term coined, to my knowledge, by my friend Dr. Laura Markham of Aha Parenting.
Public declarations are more likely to be followed through on. We’ll be offering a membership club soon too to help provide more support, and of course, there is their 40 Days to Peaceful Parenting class.
If you are ready to quit yelling, and become a more conscious, proactive and peaceful parent, comment below!
Feel free to invite your friends and family to listen to the interview and to join you!
In my opinion, not only is it the way less traveled,
but it’s the only way worth taking.
Love and light to you and your precious family,
Jacqueline, Host and Creator of the Great Parenting Show!